Sweet Payback
by Zim'sMostLoyalServant
Summary: After being publicly humiliated by Gaz one too many times, Dib is given a very interesting offer. Oneshot.


**A/N: Here we go, my last IZ fic before the New Year, another one of my anti-Gaz fics. Although, this one's a bit lighter than the past few have been, so that I don't seem TOO opposed to her character; plus, I wanted to end the year on a laugh. And besides, despite the basic theme, this one focuses more on Dib than on Gaz.**

**That said, read on!**

**Disclaimer: All Invader Zim characters and concepts belong to Jhonen Vasquez. But I do own the plot of this oneshot.**

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** Sweet Payback**

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It was an average day at the Skool – the food served in the cafeteria sent several children to the hospital, the student body president cheerfully announced over and over how great everything was, and Ms. Bitters psychologically scarred more than a few of her students for life. And, on the playground during recess, a certain paranormal-obsessed boy ranted to anyone who would listen… but mostly, to everyone who wouldn't.

"For crying out loud, people!" Dib shouted to his classmates, who were all enjoying their break and ignoring him, "Why do I even have to explain this to you _every_ freaking day? Zim is _green,_ he's got no eyes or nose, he's got the wrong number of fingers – and have you seen his teeth?! No human has teeth like that! It's like he's got a zipper for a mouth! And furthermore-"

"Shut up already," Gaz growled from her spot sitting on the table next to her brother, "In case you didn't notice, _genius,_ no one's even _listening_ to you."

Dib waved his arms widely in the air and muttered incoherently for a moment, before replying to his sister's comment.

"They'll listen someday, Gaz; they'll have to. Meanwhile, why aren't you helping me out here? You _know_ that Zim's an alien, and if you told everyone else that, then-"

"Then they'd think that I'm crazy too," Gaz interrupted again, not taking her eyes off her GameSlave as she spoke, "Now take my early advice and shut up so I can focus."

Dib scowled.

"You know, there are times when I _really_ wish you cared about stuff other than your stupid games. I mean, we're talking about the fate of mankind, and all you can do-"

For the third time in as many minutes, Dib was cut off, this time with a yelp as Gaz grabbed him by the hair scythe and turned him to look her in the eye, one of which she cracked open to glare at him with.

"I. Said. Shut. UP!"

With abnormal strength, Gaz then singlehandedly threw Dib through the air, sending him flying into a trashcan, which then fell over and spilt its contents all over the unfortunate adolescent who had just hit it. And to make things worse for Dib's dignity, _that_ was when everyone started paying attention to him.

"Hey, look everybody!" Torque shouted with a pointed finger, "Dib just got beat up by his little sister! Again!"

Everyone started laughing hysterically as Dib pulled himself to his feet, covered in trash and with his face flushed in embarrassment and a little bit of anger. Unfortunately, that anger was directed at the one person he couldn't take it out on, so the only thing he did was walk away, towards the side of the playground farthest from the laughing crowd, brushing trash off himself as he did so.

Hearing chuckling, Dib looked up and groaned as he realized that he wasn't as isolated in this part of the courtyard as he thought. To be specific, the subject of his earlier rant was leaning against a tree, smirking in his direction.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up Zim," Dib grunted as he pulled a clump of gum wrappers out of his hair.

The alien paused for a moment, before his smirk turned into a full-fledged grin.

"Well, if you insist," Zim said, before releasing one of his trademark cackles.

Dib glared at his enemy, before picking up a nearby rock and throwing it at his head.

"Ow!" Zim yelped, rubbing his head and returning Dib's glare in kind.

"What's wrong Dib-Worm? Don't like people pointing out how your female sibling wears the shirts in your family?"

"The expression is 'wears the _pants_ in the family', not the _shirts,_" Dib replied, having had enough experience with Zim's butchery of English phrases to understand what he meant.

"You LIE!" Zim shouted, pointing one finger at Dib in what was supposed to be an intimidating gesture. The only response he got was for Dib to roll his eyes.

"Whatever. Look, I'm not in the mood to deal with you today, space freak."

That said, Dib turned to leave. However, before he could begin moving away, Zim spoke up again.

"You know, stink-beast," Zim said, "the brilliant mind of Zim was under the impression that humans obeyed those older than themselves, especially in their familial units. And yet the Gaz-Beast, who is your younger sibling, holds all the power… not that I'm complaining. Zim rather enjoys seeing you humiliated on a daily basis."

Dib bristled at that comment, and turned around to once again glare at Zim.

"She doesn't humiliate me every day!" he snapped, "And she doesn't 'hold all the power', like you put it. Our relationship's just… complicated. Just because she…"

He trailed off, before throwing his arms up in disgust.

"_Why_ am I discussing this with _you_ of all people?!"

Zim merely chuckled again.

"Probably because Zim is the only one you _can_ talk to. After all," he paused with a melodramatic sigh, covering his contact-covered eyes with one hand, "Zim knows what it's like to be abused and humiliated."

He then paused again and removed his hand from his face to show that he was grinning evilly.

"Then again, it was never by Zim's own family members – that's just pathetic."

Dib raised an eyebrow. "You don't _have_ family members. You don't have a family, period."

"That's besides the point!" Zim snapped.

"You mean you _actually_ have a point for one of your rants?" Dib asked, feigning surprise, "It's a miracle!"

Zim's eye was twitching by this point, but he merely took a deep breath and waved his hand dismissively.

"Fine, be that way dirt-monkey. Zim was going to offer to help you get even with your sibling, but if you don't want my brilliant assistance, that's fine."

Dib blinked in surprise, momentarily stunned into silence as Zim slowly walked away, obviously delaying his leave in order to let Dib get his senses together.

"Wait a minute!" Dib shouted, running after the Irken and quickly getting in front of him, "Did you just offer to help _me_? And what the heck do you mean by 'get even'?"

"Exactly what I said, human," Zim said, while nonchalantly examining his fingers, "Zim, in his infinite generosity, is offering you a chance to make your sister pay for all the times she's humiliated you."

Dib frowned. "What, by locking her in a room with rabid mutant rodents or something?"

"No… but that's not a bad idea!" Zim replied, pulling a notepad out from nowhere and quickly scribbling it down. He then put it away and looked back at Dib.

"Actually, worm-baby, what Zim meant was simply this: your sibling has humiliated you, so now you should humiliate her in return."

Dib was silent for a few moments, before finally shaking his head.

"No," he said, "She's never treated me _that_ badly, and even if she had, I wouldn't sink to that level."

He then glared at the Invader. "And in any case, what do _you_ get out of this Zim? Because there is no way you're offering this out of the goodness of your heart; mostly seeing as you don't have any."

Zim laughed before answering.

"You know me too well, Dib-Stink," he said, "The truth is, Zim was hoping to make a deal with you. I will use my technology to help you pay Gaz back for everything she's ever done to you. And, in exchange, you will then leave Zim alone – in this wretched educational establishment _and_ my base – for exactly one month. Got it?"

Dib's eyes narrowed as he answered, "So that's it, huh? You actually think I'm going to just leave you alone to work on something that'll probably help you take over the world, just so that I can settle a petty score? Fat chance."

"Zim merely thought you'd want to get even with your sister, and that we could both use a break from our endless struggle," the alien replied with a shrug. He then paused for a few seconds before adding, "Besides, you should be glad I'm making this offer; my original plan called for flash-freezing you and then relaxing while you slowly thawed."

"…Okay, I'm not complaining or anything," Dib said with a raised eyebrow, "But why'd you go with Plan B?"

The Irken frowned as he replied, "Believe me, the only reason I'm lowering myself to this is because GIR tried using the freezing laser to make snow cones and completely wrecked it."

"What a shame," Dib said sarcastically, before walking away, "But you can forget it Zim. I'm not going to let you do anything to Gaz – even if it's not anything dangerous – and as long as you're trying to take over the Earth, I'm not letting you rest for even a minute, let alone a whole month."

Zim didn't respond, so Dib kept walking, heading towards the Skool entrance as the bell rang and everyone started filing back inside. As he walked, Dib replayed the conversation in his head.

'Did he _really_ think I was going to fall for that?' he thought, 'Like I'm going to give him a whole month to work on his plans… "relaxing" my butt. And besides, it's not like Gaz has been _that_ bad to me. Sure, there was that time she left me in that cage with that monkey, or that thing with the Shadowhog where she left me behind to clean that toilet with my head – man, I stank for a week after that. Then again, I did cast a spell on her without her permission, so I kind of had it coming. And she _did_ save me that time Zim was going to turn me inside out… of course, that was just so that Dad would take us to Bloaty's. And then she just left me strapped to that table; if I hadn't managed to knock it down the stairs and knock the strap buckles loose, I'd probably _still_ be attached to that thing…'

Dib stopped on the Skool steps as that train of thought ran its course. Now that he thought about it, Gaz had only helped him to help herself, and had then left him in a very embarrassing situation. And as for the Shadowhog incident, while he had volunteered to take Gaz's punishment, he'd later found out that she wouldn't have been punished anyway; and despite this, she had still let him be subjected to the single most disgusting thing that had ever happened to him, which led to him being mocked while still carrying the stink of otherworldly waste.

'Okay, so maybe she _has _treated me like garbage in the past,' he conceded to himself, 'but I am _not_ going to just take Zim's word that he won't try anything for a month, just so that I can get back at Gaz for humiliating me a couple of times.'

Being so lost in thought, Dib didn't notice his sister coming up behind him until she pushed him out of the way, sending him falling down the steps to land in a mud puddle. Spitting out a mouthful, Dib wiped his glasses clean and looked up to find Gaz scowling down at him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"What I'd do now?" he groaned.

"You were in my way," Gaz grunted in response.

"You couldn't have just asked me to move?"

"I don't _ask_ you to do anything," Gaz growled, "I _tell_ you. And unless you want me to rip your arms out of their sockets and shove them down your throat, then you'll remember that in the future. That, and to stay out of my way. Understand?"

Dib gulped slightly at the threat. "Y-yeah, I understand."

"Good," Gaz said, turning around and heading inside.

As soon as she was out of sight, the students remaining outside – who had been giving her a wide berth for their own safety – also began heading inside, taking the time to mock Dib as he pulled himself out of the mud.

"You'd better be careful, Dib," Zita sneered, "You wouldn't want your sister to hurt you again."

"You're all afraid of her too," Dib snapped as he continued to wipe mud off himself.

"Yeah, but none of us are related to her," the Letter M pointed out, "You're her brother; you're supposed to be the one telling her what to do, not the other way around."

"Too bad you're so pathetic," Sara added, making everyone burst out laughing as they walked away.

Dib sat there on the ground, shaking in repressed anger. His earlier resolve to leave things as they were was rapidly falling apart – everyone already ridiculed him because they thought he was crazy, but that didn't give Gaz the right to humiliate him further and give everyone even more reasons to make fun of him.

Hearing footsteps coming towards him, Dib looked up to find Zim standing over him, a small smug smile on his lips.

"The offer's still on the table, human," he said.

Dib was silent as he slowly got to his feet, before answering in a low voice.

"You swear you really won't try anything during that month I leave you alone?" he asked.

Zim rolled his eyes. "The truth is, Dib-Monkey, that while Zim is the most brilliant being to ever exist… I am _completely_ out of ideas for conquering this pathetic planet. A month without having to deal with you should give my brain-meats more than enough time to come up with _amazing_ new plans of conquest."

"Yeah, and maybe I'll be crowned king of Siam," Dib muttered.

"Eh?"

"Sarcasm. Never mind," Dib said, walking back up the steps with his temporary partner in crime following him, "So what's the plan exactly? Or do you even have one?"

The Irken snorted as he quickened his pace so that it didn't look like Dib was leading him.

"Just because Zim is out of world-conquest plans doesn't mean he hasn't thought this little gag through. Now, listen carefully…"

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A few hours later, after Skool had let out for the day, Gaz kicked open the door to her house, never taking her eyes off her GameSlave as she did so. She didn't bother looking around to see if she'd hit anyone; her father would still be at work, as usual, and if Dib had been there… well, as far as she was concerned, hurting him or knocking him unconscious wasn't something worth being upset about. All that mattered was the game in her hand.

And it was because of this one-track mind of hers that she didn't notice Zim clinging to the ceiling by his PAK spider legs. If she had, she might have been able to avoid the small dart that shot out of the device in his hand and hit her in the back of the neck.

"OW!" she shouted, one hand removing itself from her game console to instinctively grab at her suddenly-wounded neck, "What the he…"

The mini-Goth trailed off her eyes glazed over and her arms went limp, dropping her GameSlave to the ground. A few moments later – during which time Gaz simply stood there – Zim dropped to the floor and Dib hesitantly entered the living room from the kitchen. Walking over to his sister, he waved his hand in front of her eyes; when this didn't get a response, he gave a small whistle of appreciation.

"Wow, it _actually_ worked," he said, smirking slightly when Zim twitched at that remark.

"Of course it worked, pig-smelly," the Invader snapped, "I built it, after all."

"…I'm not going to comment on that," Dib muttered, examining the barely-visible dart now embedded in Gaz's neck. Turning to look at Zim again, his voice wavered slightly as he asked, "Uh, this won't hurt her, right?"

"For the millionth time, you irritating monkey, NO!" Zim shouted, tugging on his antennae in exasperation, "The control dart is connected to her central nervous system; it has temporarily shut down her consciousness and put her in a state of extreme suggestiveness. She will do whatever we say until the dart reaches its preprogrammed self-destruct time a few hours from now and harmlessly dissolves into her bloodstream, leaving no trace. Got it? Because Zim doesn't like repeating himself."

"I'm not commenting on that, either," Dib said with a shake of his head, "Anyway, you never told me what exactly you plan on making her do. Care to tell me now?"

Zim grinned. "Why tell you when I can show you? GIR, Minimoose, come!"

The door to the basement burst open, and Zim's robots came up the stairs. GIR was clad in his doggy suit and was carrying a large cardboard box, while Minimoose was somehow balancing a video camera between his antlers. Dib blinked in surprise, but before he could ask how the two of them had gotten into his house without him noticing (Zim had entered with him), Zim grabbed the box from GIR and carried it over to Gaz.

"Gaz-Human," he said in an ordering tone, "Take this box upstairs, put on the contents, then come back down here."

Gaz didn't say anything, but simply took the box from Zim and walked out of the room. Dib watched her go with a raised eyebrow, then jumped in surprise as a squeak sounded behind him. Spinning around, Dib found Minimoose floating in front of him, tilted in a way that suggested he was offering the camera to him.

"Uh, thanks, I guess," the young human replied, gently taking the camera from the floating super weapon. He then turned to Zim and said, "I'm still not clear on what's so humiliating about this for her. What was in the box?"

"Wait and see, worm-baby," Zim said, lips quivering as he evidently held back a laugh, "Believe me, you don't want Zim to ruin the surprise."

"Yay! Youz two are friends now!" GIR shouted, grabbing Minimoose and hugging him in excitement, "I'm so happy I think I'm gonna s'plode!"

"WE'RE NOT FRIENDS!" Zim and Dib shouted at the same time. They blinked in surprise, looked at each other, and then simultaneously shuddered in disgust.

"We are _not_ friends, GIR," Zim repeated, "We are simply working together to achieve a common goal."

"I understand," GIR said… and then promptly began chewing on Minimoose's antlers. While the purple moose squeaked in annoyance, Dib frowned as something occurred to him.

"What do you mean, 'a common goal'?" he asked, "I thought you were helping me get even so that I'd leave you alone."

"Oh, uh," Zim mumbled for a bit before saying, "Well… to be honest, Zim still owes the Gaz-Witch for that time she broke you out of my space station just as I was about to turn you inside-out, then dared to defeat me with one of my own space pods. That was humiliating, and now it's payback time."

Dib merely continued to frown at Zim for several minutes before speaking again.

"I should have known – this was never about helping me get even, or even getting a brief truce, was it? You just wanted to satisfy your bruised ego."

"Perhaps," Zim said with a shrug, "But this is your revenge as well as mine, Dib-Stink."

Zim paused for a moment, looking past Dib at something behind him. A spark of mirth appeared in his eyes, and his lips pulled up into a smirk.

"Which you'll be reminded of, if you just turn around," he said, gesturing with a wave of his hand.

Dib glared for a few more moments, then slowly turned around – and then almost immediately collapsed to the floor, laughing so loud that his sides began to ache.

Gaz had returned to the room, and was now wearing the contents of the box she had carried upstairs… which happened to be a fairy princess costume. It was basically a silky pink, sleeveless tutu, which had a pair of multicolored butterfly wings attached to the back. The bottom of the outfit poofed out into a puffy skirt that trailed down to just past Gaz's knees, almost hiding the fact that she was wearing equally pink panty hose on her legs, but not that her feet were clad in pink ballet shoes. The costume even came with props, as evidenced by the wand she held in one hand and the little tiara on her head.

For several minutes, the room was filled with laughter as Dib rolled around on the floor in hysterics, Zim grasped onto the couch to keep from falling in giggles, and Minimoose even let out a few squeaks that sounded faintly like laughs. Only GIR seemed unaffected, smiling widely as he looked at her.

"Oooohhh," he said, "Gazzy looks purdy!"

"Yes, yes she does," Zim snickered, fell into another round of giggles, then composed himself and said, "By the Tallest, she looks even more ridiculous in that thing than I thought!"

Dib continued to laugh, but finally managed to stop himself before he asphyxiated.

"Oh, wow," he managed to wheeze out, "Oh wow, I don't care if you did trick me. I don't even care if Gaz kills me for this – it was totally worth it! Where'd you even get that outfit?"

"I stole it from a hobo!" GIR shouted happily.

Dib took a few minutes to ponder why a hobo would have a fairy princess costume, then shook the thought away, got to his feet and aimed the video camera at his hypnotized sister.

"We're rolling," he said.

Zim nodded, then grinned sinisterly as he turned to Gaz.

"Gaz, we are bored," he said, "So do a little dance to entertain us. And don't forget to smile while you do it."

A wide smile formed on Gaz's face, looking even more out of place on her than the costume did. She then lifted her arms into the air and began dancing; subconsciously, she was copying moves she'd seen professionals do on TV while channel surfing.

And so, for the next ten or fifteen minutes, the room was once more filled with laughter as Gaz danced around the room; twirling, jumping, waving her arms and toy wand in the air, and all the while with a sickeningly-sweet smile on her face. A couple of times, GIR tried to join her, but Zim grabbed him before he could – the last thing he needed was visual evidence that he'd been involved in this.

Eventually, Dib lowered the camera and nodded at Zim. The alien returned the gesture and turned back to the still-dancing girl.

"Enough," he ordered, and Gaz immediately stopped, lowering her arms and letting her face slide back into neutral.

"Now then," Zim continued, "Go upstairs and change back into your own clothes, then put the costume back into the box and bring it back down here."

Gaz obeyed, leaving the room and coming back a few minutes later in her normal outfit and holding the box. Taking the box from his temporary slave, Zim shoved the GameSlave into her hands and issued one final order.

"Go to your room, get into bed, and go to sleep. And when you wake up, you will have no memory of any of this. Now go."

As Gaz left the room, Zim then turned to GIR and handed him the box.

"GIR, dispose of the physical evidence," he ordered.

"Okey-dokie!" the defective robot said cheerfully. He then opened his mouth wider than physically possible and shoved the whole box in, quickly swallowing it.

"…Ew," Dib said.

Zim merely chuckled. "How long before you can upload that footage?"

Dib looked down at the camera in his hands and did some quick calculations.

"Well… I'd say it'll take a couple of hours to get the audio right," he said, "Don't want our laughter in the background for her to hear. And some cheery music probably wouldn't hurt either. After that, I just have to upload it to my MyTube account and send the link for it to everyone at Skool whose e-mail address I know…"

"Zim did not ask for the play-by-play," Zim interrupted.

Huffing in annoyance, Dib rolled his eyes as he continued, "My best bet? By the time we get to Skool tomorrow, just about everyone will have seen this video."

"Excellent," Zim said with a grin, then turned to his minions, "GIR, Minimoose, come! We're leaving. See you in a month, stink-beast."

"Bye-bye, Bighead!" GIR shouted as he and Minimoose followed their master out the door.

"My head's not… ah, forget it," Dib said, not in the mood to pick up that old argument.

Shutting the door, he headed towards his laptop, already running through the e-mail addresses he would send this video – he was thinking of calling it "Princess Gazzy" to get people's attention – to in order to maximize its spread. After all, if he sent it to the right gossip-lovers, they'd send it to everyone on their contact lists, and soon everyone in the Skool would have seen the most terrifying person they knew dancing in a fairy costume. It would be a long time before anyone found a reason to make fun of Dib again, when Gaz's dignity had just gone down the drain.

Yes, Zim had manipulated him to do this, and was probably also lying about relaxing during the one-month reprise he had talked Dib into giving him. And yes, Gaz probably would somehow find out about his involvement in this and then brutally murder him. But, as he had already told Zim, well…

It was totally worth it.

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**The End**

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**A/N: Eh, once again this didn't turn out the way I had originally planned, but I'm still pretty proud of how it turned out. A Gaz-light, anti-Gaz fic, with my first attempt at ZADF thrown in – and note that it's ZAD**_**F**_**, not ZAD**_**R**_**. I absolutely despise ZADR, and will never, under any circumstances, write it.**

**Anyway, I hope you've all had a Happy New Year.**

**And please, read and review!**


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